There are probably about as many answers to that question as there are individuals who ask it. For each of us, the answer differs.

Jeremiah 2:27b says, “They have turned their backs to me and not their faces yet when they are in trouble, they say, ‘Come and save us.’”

Imagine God sitting on His throne looking out at His bride (you), and what He sees is your back and not your face. Many, if not most women spend their entire Christian walk looking at the world to fill them rather than to God. I know I did and still do at times. There is a simple reason for this – we don’t believe Jesus is enough. Few would ever dare admit such a thing, but the truth is that most of us regularly have our eyes gazing toward the world and what it offers. Sure, we want Jesus, but we want Jesus plus. Jesus + our family. Jesus + the perfect life. Jesus + a successful career. Jesus + more of _______________. Only you can fill in this blank. You know what your + is.

If you had only Jesus, would that be enough? That’s a pretty frightening question. Don’t you secretly fear that if you say He’s enough then He might make you prove it and take away the rest? When He truly becomes enough, even that question will not have the power over you it once did.

It stands to reason that a face can only be pointing in one direction at one time. You are either looking at God or at the world. If you are looking back and forth, that will only serve to make you dizzy. No wonder the world is filled with confused Christians.

To what or who do you look to get your needs met?

Husband          Children          Home              Career             Social Media

Your Looks       Education        Parents            Money             Perfectionism

Other: __________

While this list is by no means exhaustive, it may serve to get your thoughts going. Here are a few applications of this principle: If your children behave well or are successful in school, you feel people will see you as a good mother (Good enough). If you have countless “friends” or “followers” on social media outlets, you feel liked (Good enough). If you do things perfectly, everyone will see you as someone who has it all together (Oops, good enough again). If you look thin/beautiful, once again, that makes you feel good enough.

Notice a theme? For women, ours is rarely a pursuit of power. Ours is typically a striving for acceptance and worth. We want to feel valuable. Instead of receiving our value from our position in Christ, which is fully accepted in the Beloved (Eph. 1:6 NKJV), we hope that somehow, someway, the things of this world will make us feel what we desperately need to feel, good enough or of value.

• To whom do you turn when things go wrong/right?
• Do your feelings rise and fall based on the opinion of others?
• If you had more money or possessions, do you think that would make you happier?
• Do you constantly want that “something” and then once you get it, find it was not quite as fulfilling as it promised to be – then you move on to the next thing?

The main question you need to answer is this: Is Jesus enough, or am I looking to other things or people to fulfill me? Spend time today pondering this question. If you need to, take a few days. Pray and ask Him to show you what you look to for fulfillment and happiness.

I would have never thought what I write could be considered controversial, yet as I read reviews on some of my books, I guess you can call it nothing less. One recent review on UtV stated: “Interesting read..somewhat scared that the message will encourage abusers to try to fix relationships they destroyed in the name of God.”

If you’ve read this book, you know the guy served five years for his crimes, was healed from PTSD, stopped drinking, and found Jesus – not as if Jesus was misplaced, but I love the terms we Christians use. Plus, for years and years before, Mike wasn’t an abuser. For a season, he was terribly sick and broken, and as a result acted totally out of his usual character. As I think about the reviewer’s “fears,” I’m wondering, where is grace in all that? Seriously, it’s not okay for a woman to forgive and return to a man who poses no danger? This is not the only person to make this statement. A group of educators did the Bible study and from what I heard, this was a common fear. These are Christian woman who should know that God is capable of transformation, so why is the concept of healing, true transformation, and restoration of a marriage at all controversial?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not advocating this as if we’re watching an episode of Cops. If a man knocks his wife around and comes back the next day or next week promising he’ll never do it again, obviously, that’s not enough time elapsed for this to be safe or advisable for the woman to even consider. But after five years and a total life transformation? Come on! I believe any woman who feels led by God toward the restoration of a marriage under these circumstances can and should. For any woman who does not, then don’t. I just don’t think we should label any man or marriage a lost cause until God says so.

I suppose at the end of this, I’m left wondering about the hearts of women who think that it should never, ever be considered again. Have they never been extended the kind of obvious, life transforming grace I have? Is any man beyond redemption once Jesus gets a hold of his heart?

Oh the hypocrisy of my heart, though. If this would have been a child molester, I’d likely have an entirely different perspective. Because I’ve been affected by this sin, I know my heart feels much less able to extend grace. Maybe that’s why some feel Mike and Robin’s reunion is something to be feared, because they have been affected by spousal abuse. So to them, I’m extending grace. It’s okay if you don’t agree with what I write. Actually, your reviews cause me to ponder the deep things of God and to really consider what I believe of Him, so for me, that’s a positive result from a negative comment.

Ultimately, God is still in the grace business and we should be too.

That was what I was going to call a recent blog. That day, I was weepy and terribly fragile. I had it all written up in my head but never sat down to write it. Why do we rarely admit when we’re feeling fragile and vulnerable? For me, more often than not, I just don’t want people to worry. Though there’s nearly always some level of pride involved in our reluctance to admit when we’re weak, for me, I was pretty sure that wasn’t the issue that day. I admit so much junk about myself, what’s a little weakness thrown in there, right?

Maybe, if I really do search out my motive in not posting it, it will somehow come back to pride. I have people who depend on me, so when I say I’m fragile or that maybe my faith is a bit shaky for a moment, then I fear it’ll cause them to feel shaky too. I s’pose that’s pride, fearing that their faith is in any way dependent on mine. Who do I think I am? Okay, so let’s go with pride. When I said I admit so much about myself that this was not a big deal, I know now I was wrong. It’s easier to admit the failures of our past, ones we appear to have overcome, than to admit our weaknesses of today, because in doing so, we are admitting we still don’t have it all together. News flash: I don’t have it all together.

It’s nothing more than pride that causes me to say, “I’m fine” when I’m really not. I was doing that week after week for quite some time. Truly, I was a volatile mess on the inside, yet I portrayed myself as being calm and collected on the outside. I was a candy-coated shell with a gooey mess inside. – I must be having sugar cravings since I’m picturing myself as an M&M. – For that season, though, because of pride, I was faking it, barely getting by.

For one thing, I was overcommitted, my reach extending into several areas, and I was losing my ability to keep up. I was stressed and pulled in too many different directions, and I knew without question that the Lord, and my protective husband, was calling me to step away from some things. I was taking care of many good things while ignoring some of the better things, those quieter things that needed my attention but didn’t loudly demand it.

Ultimately, though, I discovered that the reason I was such a mess was that I wasn’t trusting God in a particular area. I was focusing on the seen rather than the unseen, which led to my faith being shaken. The only way I found peace again was in trust. I had to come to a place of trust, a place where I remembered His love for me is perfect and that He will allow nothing into my life that is not first filtered through His love for me. So I sat with Jesus and said, “Okay, I don’t understand this, but I don’t have to. I feel You’ve said one thing yet I’m seeing just the opposite. Still, I trust You.” The very second I returned to a place of trust, my peace returned and the vulnerability and volatility I was feeling vanished.

Now, the phrase I’m walking away with is, love and trust go hand-in-hand. If I truly believe He loves me, then I can trust anything – everything – He allows into my life. I’m not sure what you may take away from this, but if nothing else, you see I’m real and I’m in process and I definitely don’t have it all together. But I trust Him to get me where I need to be.